I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
