Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
