you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
