Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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