She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
