Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
