Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
