i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
