The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
