I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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