I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
