I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
