what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
