Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize