Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
