i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
