So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We left an ass print on the piano.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
