im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
