The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
