matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
