I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
they're like a gay fantastic four
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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