Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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