my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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