VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
