you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
