If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
