oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
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you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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