This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
