Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
