Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
