At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
