I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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