Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
