life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize