just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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