I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
