need another drink. this is the easiest way
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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