I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
