if only i could text you this smell
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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