im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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