her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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