At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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