Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
