It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
