i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
