You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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