remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize