47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
