so explain again why im purple
no
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
