Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
