I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
