Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
