She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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