I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
