No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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