lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
