I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
