I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
