Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
