Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
