She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
