So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
