did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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