Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
