I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
