Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
