it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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