careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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