Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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