Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
