I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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