dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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