Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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